Writing

some days

somedays

there are some days

like today

when i just feel numb

there is an ache of hurt inside me

which i become used to too soon

and its as if im nothing

but a body and a mind

not caring about opinions

or what people

think of me

anymore

 

i cut myself out

and every cut

every app uninstalled

every connection broken to the outside world

makes my breaths come easier

 

i want to be sad

i want to be quiet

some days

i just want to be alone

 

are these down days?

no, i consider these mental health days

all the sadness and hurt and worry

pushed and built up inside me

i let it all out

and it feels oh so great

i feel burden-less at the end

 

no, i am not sad because of something that happened yesterday or today

i feel sad a lot

this is just the one day i show it

and i would rather not give an explanation

one of two which i can reply with

one, you wouldn’t understand

the other, is not true

 

so let me

let me be

let me take a day off

its not easy being happy all the time

its not easy being the light all the time

its     not     easy

s m i l i n g

every time something cuts my heart

 

you know that I bounce back fast and happy

but that takes a toll on me

not letting my feelings out

pushing them in and smiling

replying I’m fine every time someone asks

how i am

i don’t understand how

you believe that im invincible

to negative feelings

i don’t understand myself

how

i manage to smile and jump

greet everyone excitedly

with a pitch in my voice

 

sometimes

my voice is on the edge of c r a c k i n g

almost wavers

but you never notice the off balance

in the end of my word

 

i love you, my friend, i do

i love you all

 

but some days

 

i would rather you leave me alone

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10 thoughts on “some days

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