A few days back, a friend of mine asked me why I wanted to be independent so badly. I couldn’t answer her question because I did not know how to explain in terms which she would understand. Since then, these thoughts have been circling in my mind.

A person turns out to be how he/she is due to situations, surroundings and influences. You might want to be independent because you look up to someone who is, or because you don’t want to be dependent like someone you know. It can go both ways.

I used to be the lone kid in primary school. I didn’t have any friends, stayed to myself and didn’t speak out much. I only talked to this one boy who I used to sit with (I still talk to him through facebook even though he shifted elsewhere in 5th grade). I was wallowing in depression and didn’t make an effort to, I guess. At the time, I used to think being friends meant saying the truth and sharing everything, I didn’t want to share everything. Maybe its stupid, yeah, but I was 7. What did I know.

Mostly due to family problems and issues I prefer to be alone, not dependant on anyone because then if that person isn’t there, I would be helpless. I see all the married couples in my family and how they barely get along. My own parents, in fact. I guess I like thinking that even if I’m married (arranged marriages around here), I wouldn’t be very disappointed if it isn’t love, I’ll be just fine by myself. If my friends one day stop talking to me, I’ll be fine. I can live without very close relationships, I’ve managed to be datached for the most part.

But all that’s wishful thinking.

Advertisements